A vicious circle
In a relationship, violence occurs as part of what is called the "cycle of conjugal violence". The cycle is orchestrated and implemented by the aggressor as a way of maintaining dominance over the victim. In a conjugal relationship that includes violence, the cycle is repeated and accelerates over time.
Phase 1 – Tense atmosphere
- The aggressor has outbursts of anger, gives the victim threatening looks or deliberately remains silent.
- The victim feels anxious, attempts to improve the atmosphere and speaks and acts carefully.
Phase 2 – Crisis
- The aggressor uses verbal, psychological, physical, sexual or economic violence against the victim.
- The victim is humiliated and sad, and feels that the situation is unfair.
Phase 3 – Justification
- The aggressor finds excuses to justify his or her behaviour.
- The victim attempts to understand the explanation, help the aggressor change, begins to doubt his or her own perception, and feels responsible for the situation.
Phase 4 – Honeymoon
- The aggressor begs for forgiveness and talks about therapy or suicide.
- The victim agrees to give the aggressor another chance, offers help, observes progress and changes his or her own behaviour.
Recognizing conjugal violence
In a relationship, there are several clues to the existence of conjugal violence, for example if the victim:
- must "ask permission" to go out with friends;
- is often ridiculed in front of other people;
- is pushed or shoved;
- barely speaks when accompanied by his or her partner;
- gradually stops seeing friends and relatives;
- often has marks or bruises and attempts to cover them up.
Preventing violence
A person trapped in a cycle of conjugal violence can escape, but often only with assistance from friends or family. You can offer your support to a victim to ensure that these unacceptable and, in many cases, criminal actions cease.
Source: La conjugal violence… C’est quoi au juste?, Éditions du Regroupement des maisons pour femmes victimes de conjugal violence, 1st quarter 2006.
